The First 3 Steps in Becoming Who You Want To Be
Read this bit first - its important. Or skip it if you are easily offended.
Most of us have an image in our heads of the person we want to become and the things we want to have once we become that person. We tend to look at our lives far out in the future and image it momentarily for what it will look like and then...............the moment disappears and we get sucked straight back into our problems. This can happen on a daily basis. Fun times.
Our brains are assholes sometimes. Most of the time actually. They have the primary job of keeping us alive which tends to interfere a tad in EVERYTHING else. Which is why us guys over here doing Life Coaching, have a full time job making money off your brain that cant seem to get its shit together and give you want you want.
So if this sounds like you and you are finally ready to do something different and switch up your behaviour to see if if it can make a difference in your life, read on.
I want to give you the following info so that you can get control of your brain and finally get moving in the right direction. No one else has said this to you but I will. You have been stuck on the same repetitive loop getting the same results for a while and you just cant see it. You could argue till you're blue in the face telling me all the different approaches you have taken but the truth is, getting what you want is about more than just action alone.
Let me repeat that - getting what you want is about more that just action alone.
So let me give you some of the basic steps to get started, finally!
1. Find your 'Hard Why' and commit everything you can to it.
The reason you keep waffling back and forth and never really moving the needle in your life is because you haven't made the decision to be committed to your 'hard why', your 'north star', your bedrock reason for wanting what you want.
If you want to figure out your 'hard why' do this:
- when you think of your end goal, ask yourself why you want it.
- when you have answered that, asked yourself why you want that
- and keep going until you hit a rock solid answer and you feel the conviction in your hard why.
Heres my example:
I want to be a top leadership coach - ok why?
Because I want to earn my own money - why?
To out earn my previous salary - why?
To be a success - why?
To prove to myself that my brain can do anything - why?
To be an example of what’s possible - why?
To help others with their brain - why?
Because I know what it’s like to suffer and I don’t want people to suffer - why?
Because I want a better world.
Wanting a better world is my Hard Why. It keeps me motivated, when things aren't working, it takes me out of my suffering and returns me to action. Every time I think of my hard why, I am compelled to take action or try a new way that could work. This is why I am telling you, its never just about the action, its also about whats driving the action that can make a huge difference.
2. Belief is EVERYTHING.
Tell yourself you CAN do it.
Ok, here is the part where people normally switch off because they have seen a million 'believe in yourself' posts and are pretty much desensitised to it, and the crazy thing is that these 3 simple words are literally the biggest thing that is going to change your life. And most people just dont get it.
So let me point this out - thinking about believing in yourself is the same as thinking about not believing in yourself, they are both just thoughts. But the former will help you to take action, the latter will hold you back.
No matter how real and easy it might seem to tell yourself you're not clever enough or liked enough or whatever it is, You can choose to believe something different and YOU MUST, if you want anything to change.
3. Evaluation is the thing that moves the needle.
I could blab on about goal setting because at the end of the day I am a life coach and thats what I help with on the surface, but I know if you are reading this you aren't an idiot. You already know how to set goals properly.
What isn't emphasised enough in goal setting is - EVALUATION. Making time for evaluation, learning from evaluation, making evaluation a ritual is what will enable you to finally move you towards your goals.
Heres what works for me:
- I plan the year according to my 10 year plan and look at what I can get done in the next 12 months
- I break this down into quarters
- I break the quarter down into months
- I EVALUATE the last 30 days - what worked, what didn't work, lessons learned, adjusted actions, proof that things are working
- I then plan the next 30 days according to my goals and my previous evaluation.
Most of us use our mental models of the past to predict the future and live from a place of fear of uncertainty. We use the fact that we haven't achieved our goals as a signal that we will never achieve them or that we are unworthy. This is bad, avoid derailing yourself like this by evaluating your goals and actions.
When you use evaluation, it uses our mental models of the past and makes it FEEL GOOD about changing and adjusting. Ta-da! An altered perspective really does make all the difference.
Ok to summarise this and make a point about whats 'behind' the action is just as important heres a roundup:
- You need to get clear on whats driving your action - Your 'hard why'
- You need to have a mindset to take action - belief in yourself to take action.
- You need to be reviewing your actions in order for them to evolve - evaluate effectively.
I hope that gives you a bit more depth, that just saying "hey get out there and take action". Find a direction and a purpose, stick with it and review what you are doing and finally ffs, choose to believe that you can.